I like even numbers! I'm not superstitious or anything, I just like even numbers. Today I don't like them. Often the 22nd of each month passes and I don't realize what day it is, I'm grateful for that. For some reason though this 22nd is staring me right in the face, saying "its been 6 months". Possibly because I don't have the crazy busy schedule of work and school to keep my brain busy. Six months seems like a long time, but it also seems like just yesterday she was here snuggled up on the couch beside me with a blanket tucked all around her keeping her socks warm! Kinda hard to believe that the days can just keep going by without her in them. They feel much emptier, but they surely pass by. I find myself watching a lot more videos these days because I miss her voice, I hate that I can't remember what she sounds like whenever I want to. I hate that I don't get to have silly conversations with her anymore and I don't get to hear her say "Noah" a million times or listen to them argue about how she can do it "by all myself!" Now that we are on summer vacation, the days feel even more empty. Don't get me wrong there are two loud and rambunctious kids here that keep me busy, but there's that Ellie gap that just can't be filled. For me there's just been sadness and I miss her. Songs lately bring every memory flooding back and the tears roll.
So I love how on this 6 month day some God things happen. First there is a dress in SG's closet that I breeze by every Sunday. Its a dress that my mom made for the girls, there were two of them. Ellie never got to wear her's and it got put away. SG's has just been hanging there. I haven't been able to bring myself to put it on her, not only because SG doesn't like puffy dresses, but it just made me sad that the girls never got to match, which Ellie loved to do. Today, that dress stared me in the face and said "you can do it". So I prepared myself for the dress battle...SG didn't fight me at all when I put in the dress. She happily took off down the hall in her sparkly shoes.
Her sister would have been proud.
My heart still felt a little empty, I was really having a hard time getting that happy in. I stopped to get the mail on my way home...I know its Sunday, but I don't go to the mail box a lot lately...since its at the end of the road. In the mail is a package from St. Jude. I smiled. I knew exactly what it would be and it couldn't have been a more appropriate day for me to open it.
Because of the awesome amount of money raised at the St. Jude Give Thanks Walk we were able to donate that money in Ellie's name and get a engraved brick on the walls of St. Jude. We started this process a while ago, and you know how life just moves too fast and you can't keep up, well I kept pushing the paper work aside and forgetting about it. So now on the six month anniversary of Ellie's homecoming with the Lord, this comes to remind me of the love the Lord puts around us! I started to say it helps me know she will alway be remembered and live on in the halls of St. Jude...but she won't be in the halls. Her name will be there. And her name on that brick reminds me of all the people that came together to show support for our family. More people than I will ever know donated to that walk, to create an amazing amount of money. This brick reminds me of how we were allowed to share our daughter with the world, that she touched hearts and brought a face to cancer, death, and an amazing God. Fingers crossed that in the beginning of October we will be able to make the trip to Memphis for the St. Jude family remembrance weekend. I may have to bribe a few airline people to let me fly since I will be rather far along in my pregnancy, but the Doctor says I should be fine to go! When we visit I can't wait to see that brick in person and remember all the amazing people that helped make that dream a reality!
The sun has come out today, which makes things a little brighter today...literally. But it has helped my mood some. Pretty sure the rest of today will be spent snuggling with my chatterboxes and watching Disney Movies...because it makes Noah happy...and me two.
Please continue to pray for my family. Six months is a long time to be without a family member, especially one who could bring a smile to your face no matter what the circumstances. Pray to help us through the sad days and to never hold back sharing when we feel sad and alone. Thank you for allowing us to be part of your family. You mean the world to us.
In all things I have shown you that by working hard in this way we must help the weak and remember the words of the Lord Jesus, how he himself said, ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’ Acts 20:35
Prayers, Praise and Pink