We have celebrated another birthday in the Blaine house! Little miss SG has turned 2!
We celebrated before her actual birthday (which always confuses Noah) with family and friends and some lovely sunshine! We used SG's love of Elsa, Olaf and Let it Go to create a not too over board Frozen party for her! We dawned our Olaf hats and Princess crowns and enjoyed our snowmen and ice cream!
A friend had shared with me how they use their kids birthdays as opportunities to donate money to different charities. I thought this was a wonderful idea, so instead of presents (although there were some rule breakers...and SG really appreciated that I'm sure) everyone brought a card and cash. SG easily earned $300 to donate to our CureSearch team! The kids had so much fun...and slept very well that night!
As SG's real birth "day" crept closer, those crazy nervous thoughts kept running on repeat in my head. She's gonna be two, Ellie was two when she got sick. In fact it was the day of her birthday party she started really showing signs of illness. I can still remember where she was in the basement the first time she threw up. I know that was Ellie, I know how rare her cancer is, I know its not hereditary, but I was struggling keeping my logical brain in check. As SG turned two, I couldn't help but think that she should already have a big sister who is "showing her the ropes", instead she's the big sister role model (which is just scary if you know her!). I really didn't expect to have such a tough reaction to this celebration, but I guess that's the funny thing about grief...there's no rules. There's no warning, you can prep all you want, but you just can't possibly prepare yourself for all of it. I really missed her this week, and thought a lot about what her role in our family should have been. And that's where God meets me, and says "let me help you". Ellie's life was not meant to go past 1061 days. His work through her and us continues, but her days on earth were numbered, just like all of ours.
"You have decided the length of our lives. You know how many months we will live, and we are not given a minute longer". Job 14:5
Remembering that has really helped me when I start to think about what she would be like. I don't find myself wondering often about milestones down the road, because frankly they weren't meant for my child. And God really had to remind me of that this week as I struggled with Ellie not being here for this celebration, and after He reminded me once, I had to be reminded again.
"Each time he said, "My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness." So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me." 2 Cor 12:9
I'm happy to say, we have made it through the birthday week without any major incidences. I think the only real meltdowns came from Mommy! SG is still as rotten as before, and continues to practice her independence daily. She's beautiful and full of life. She can warm my heart with her little pat on the back she gives when she hugs you, and send my blood boiling 2 seconds later when she tell me no. And one day her sense of adventure and dramatic flair will serve her well!
I can only imagine when Lulah turns two, I will probably go through this all over again. Maybe this time I'll be a little more prepared...or not, this grief is one crazy roller coaster!
“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze." Isaiah 43:2
Prayers, Praise and Pink
*You probably noticed the shirt picture at the top. These are shirts we are selling until April 4th. The proceeds go towards Team Princess Strong's goal of raising $10,000 for CureSearch for Childhood Cancer Research. If you click on the picture it will take you to the website to order. Thank You!*